Motherhood: A Celestial calling

I believe motherhood is a calling from God, and like any other calling, we are entitled to His guidance and revelation to fulfill God’s plan through our calling.

When I was younger, I always dreamed of being a mother. I looked at my grandmother and mother and always thought that being a mom was the easiest and happiest job a woman could ever have. I would see them cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry, and I would think to myself: “They have a cool job”. I would play with my dolls and think highly of my parenting skills.  Like my mom and grandma, I always knew what to say, what to do and even what to cook. There was no question about it, being a mom was awesome!

My mom always knew what to say to me in moments of trial. If she didn’t, she would say nothing at first, and then come back with clear advice and wisdom to share. Every time I asked her how she knew what to say, or how did she know I was feeling sad or in trouble, she would answer: a mother’s intuition. This concept fascinated me and I always desired to experience it for myself.

When my time arrived, it came with a very shocking awakening. I had taken care of children for several years, and my training with those children made me think I was ready to be a mom. It was the complete opposite. Those first days of motherhood were overwhelming and exhausting. Though I had previously been able to calm a crying baby, it seemed like my own baby was broken because none of my techniques worked on him. I was desperately looking for the “mother’s intuition” my mom and grandma kept talking about, but with no luck. I had no idea what I was doing.  I was feeling inadequate and defeated. At times, I even wondered if I was born to be mom.

In my desperate search for my access to “mother’s intuition”, I knelt down and prayed to Heavenly Father. For some reason, it never occurred to me to ask Him for guidance in my new experience as a mom. Perhaps I thought that Heavenly Father only answered my prayers when it came to my spirituality but not the daily tasks of soothing a crying baby. Or perhaps I was embarrassed that I was not able to be the mom He wanted me to be to His little spirit. Whichever reasons crossed my mind, I am glad I decided to let go of them and humbly asked for help. “Heavenly Father” I asked, “why is my child crying? Help me, please!”  I was in tears, hoping with all my heart that He would miraculously sooth my baby. What came after that plea will forever stay with me. A simple, but very clear instruction came to my mind: “undress him.” I hurried up, undressed my baby and wrapped him in the softest blanket I could find. My baby, who had been crying non-stop for hours and had only been able to sleep in 45-minute increments since his birth, quieted down. After feeding him, he astonishingly slept for 2 whole hours.

I knew I had found the “mother’s intuition” I had been hearing about since I was a kid. It is Heavenly Father’s revelation to me, the mother of one of His precious children, whom He had sent to me to raise, care for, and love for him. Of course, He is not going to leave us alone with this celestial calling. As my children grow older and I am trying to figure out what to say, do, and sometimes even cook; I think about that experience, and get on my knees to ask for His help. The answer always comes. Sometimes it is as simple as “hug your child”, “take a nap”, or “feed them”.  Sometimes they are harder things such as “be kind”, “don’t yell”, or “be humble”. I know that we are entitled to His guidance in this calling. I have received many revelations while I was serving in His church fulfilling one of His callings, so why wouldn’t He give us revelation for the greatest and most challenging calling of all? I am grateful for this knowledge and for His help. As I see my 18-month old daughter play with her dolls and do exactly as I do to her, I hope she eventually knows that she is not alone in the journey of motherhood. 

My Older Brother

Recently I was tasked to create a personal introduction video.  In preparation for it, I went back to old pictures of my childhood to have some material to share. As I was looking at them, one picture really stood out to me. It was a picture of my dad, my brother and I in Arequipa, Peru.  My dad worked for the Air Force of Peru and this was his third assignment.  My memory of those times is not very clear, but I do remember everything being so new to me. The streets, the people, our chapel, our school, our new house, everything seemed big and unfamiliar. I suppose that an experience like that could make some kids nervous and a little shy. For me, it was an exciting opportunity to explore, and perhaps conquer all of those new places and make them my very own playground. But where did that confidence come from?

My parents seemed to believe that it was part of me when I came to Earth. My brother says it is because I am the middle child. But, after looking at this picture and allowing my brain to go back in time and remember how my life was then, I realized that in every new experience I’ve had my brother was always there.  When I started kindergarten, I didn’t cry because my brother was in the classroom next to me. When I joined primary, my brother was also in sharing time. When my sister was born, and my parents were caring for her, I didn’t feel left out, because my brother was always playing with me.  My confidence came from my brother, who faced all of those experiences alone, so I didn’t have to.

As a mother of two kids, I can see the differences in my own parenting style with each of my children.  I am constantly learning how to understand, discipline and nurture my older son. And every time I feel like I got it, he grows, and the behaviors and experiences are now completely new and we have to start trying to figure it out. It is never ending. I find myself making mistakes as I learn to be his mom but being able to recognize the similitude in experiences with my younger daughter.  For example, when he was a baby and would cry, I’d think he was teething. But later, I would find out that he had a double ear infection. His potty training process was harder than it had to be, because I tried to force him.  I later learned that when he was ready to do it, it took no time. I was disciplining him for an unacceptable action, only to later realize he was acting out in moments of exhaustion. These were not my best moments as a mother.

I think of my brother and the things I have seen him experience. I have seen how my parents were less hard on us that him- we were given a little more freedom and they were less strict. I used to think that it was because they were already tired and didn’t care that much about the little things. I know now that they learned with my brother, so they could be better with the younger kids. And as most parents do, they did the best they could, and were in fact great parents. I am grateful for my brother and his courage and willingness to come to our family first. He is a brave man with a noble spirit. Perhaps some of the hurt and wounds in his heart come from our family life and the learning curve of my parents to be parents.  I hope he knows how much his life and those wounds blessed mine, and how much I admire him and love him. Being the older brother gave his little sisters a sense of security, confidence and, most importantly, a forever playmate.

The impact my older brother has had on my family continues to be significant. I was a better daughter because of him. And now, understanding a little bit more from both the [aren’t and child sides, I can be a better mother to both my children. Thank you, big brother!